Houston Astros 13, Minnesota Twins 12: A rally? Goodbye, in ashes

Hello/good evening, ladies, gentlemen and non-binary people.

I wrote most of the parody below when the score was 13-5, only for the Twins to put it up seven races in the bottom of the ninth inning — including a grand slam by Carlos Correa off Josh Hader to put the Twins within one run — before Manuel Margot homered to end the game.

But since I took my sleeping pills (which for some reason take an hour or more to kick in) about 45 minutes ago, I’m not rewriting this.

So note that the negative feelings expressed below are somewhat mitigated by the exciting ending, even if the conclusion was a disappointment.)

It was a disgusting ending,
Finally they call the game;
There is no point in pretending:
A shitty match.

Enter the stadium, Pablo is on the mound;
Always at the beginning where our hope lies.
But everything that happened naturally went wrong,
Mmm, the rounds are passing before us, and we must keep moving forward.

We matched their three in second at the end of the third;
But there was an added worry; soon this game would turn out to be a huge mess.

Iiiiiiiiii… I don’t know what I’m looking at;
Every guy…misses every play.

This Houston rout is endless,
They beat us all.
Their score will continue to increase
This rotten ball game.

It’s ten o’clock in the evening, we are still in the ninth;
We answered twice, they pointed us out.
At least Miranda managed to get her streak to ten;
I hope he can get up tomorrow and strike and do it again.

In terms of NAILSit’s just him, and Brooks and Kepler too;
The others were completely rusted; NIPPESour throw; it was all rancid shit.

Iiiiiiiiii… I feel like I might throw up,
But I find you… Game Commentary.
Oh I am… (What’s in my brain is mixed up, it’s done for the whole game)
give it to Lincoln. (Those endless hours we spend mean a crappy ball game.)
Because I am… (What else is going on? Don’t worry, we’ll start the game.)
…thinking it is the best solution. (This long period only prolongs this rotten ball game.)

(NOTE: This is the entire “Little bit of love” section and the final chorus, repeated with a crescendo of chorus. For reasons explained in the preamble, I’m skipping it and going straight to the end 🙂

But this team is still in the running;
They fought throughout the game.
Let’s hope tomorrow is in suspense
No shitty match.