Buffalo Township couple remembers daughter lost to overdose thanks to multi-generational charity – Butler Eagle

BUFFALO TWP — Kevin Slane said he never imagined living across generations, but when his oldest daughter, Alexandra, died of an opioid overdose in 2016, he and his wife, Cathy, wanted to be close to their family.

Today, the couple, formerly of Allegheny County, live in Buffalo Township with their daughter, Marissa, son-in-law Josh and four-year-old grandson, Axel. A second grandchild is on the way.

At home, everyone comes together to support the philanthropic foundation created by the couple in 2022. The non-profit association is called Alexandra’s Light of Hope and provides financial assistance to people in recovery, mainly women, at the memory of their daughter, who died at the age of 26. .

“We just want to be able to help other women who are going through this and other families who are going through this,” Cathy Slane said.

In the house, photos of Alexandra hang on the wall. Axel’s toys are in the living room. Easter decorations near the kitchen demonstrate intergenerational efforts to prepare for the holiday together. The name Axel is an anagram of Alex, which was Alexandra’s nickname, and is a tribute to her aunt, Cathy Slane explained.

Kevin Slane, who has traveled extensively during his career as a certified wine educator, specialist and co-founder of the Pittsburgh Wine Guild, said he was always struck by the community life in Italy, which made multigenerational living in the United States less unusual. in her head.

“I’ve done a lot of business in Europe, and it’s very common there,” he said. “On a Friday evening, if you haven’t been to Europe, especially Italy, generations of all ages walk together to the city center. At 11 a.m., the women and children return home, then the men spend a few hours together in the square.

“We built this house knowing that we were all going to stay together,” Cathy Slane said. “We’re happy to all be together for as long as they want to put up with us.”

Alexandra

When the Slanes spoke of their oldest daughter, a cheerleader, student in the gifted program and, later, a student recruited by the Shadyside School of Nursing, they described a young woman who cared deeply about her family and his friends.

“She was a beautiful and intelligent person,” her mother said.

“When she was young, she was afraid of doing something wrong,” Cathy Slane continued. “I think that was the hardest part for her and what she struggled with so much mentally during all of this. She wasn’t the person the drugs made her to be, and she couldn’t go back to who she was.

Alexandra began drinking and doing drugs in high school, her parents said, and her addiction began with a number of contributing factors. She was a cheerleader who wanted to fit in, they said, and she was constantly harassed by text messages. She also suffered from scoliosis and took prescription medication to help treat her pain.

When they began noticing suspicious behavior that suggested substance use, they recalled speaking to Alexandra’s pediatrician who told them “it was just a phase.”

But Kevin Slane remembers the moment he realized it wasn’t “just a phase” but something more serious than the underage drinking he suspected.

“She came up to me and had marks on her arms,” he said. “She said, ‘Dad, I think I need some help.'”

The Slanes acted quickly, placing their daughter in drug treatment in Beaver County and then removing her from the public school she attended instead of going to a private Catholic school.

“It was like a dark time in my life, because all we did was fear,” Kevin Slane said. “Every time she left the house, we were afraid.”

Like others who have succumbed to substance use disorders, Alexandra did not choose to become addicted to opioids, her parents said. With their daughter in and out of rehabilitation centers across the country eight or nine times, the Slanes said Alexandra wanted help to make a full recovery.

In Long Beach, California, Kevin Slane remembers when Alexandra was in a treatment program and living with three other young women in a home with a supervisor trained in drug treatment.

Alexandra’s younger sister and her father flew out to celebrate her six months of sobriety.

“She was so happy and seemed fine,” Kevin Slane said. “And she said, ‘I want to stay a little longer because I feel like I’m in a good place.'”

When one of the other roommates’ boyfriends brought drugs into the house, all four started using again, he said.

“She called me and said, ‘Dad, I want to come home,'” Kevin Slane said. “She told me exactly what happened.”

“You can try running, hiding and trying different places,” Cathy Slane said. “We always thought it was the bad neighborhood. Maybe there were too many drugs in our area. But it didn’t matter where we sent it. She was the one who needed to have strength and health and stability, and to be in a safe environment where you hope someone won’t come in with drugs and erase your forces at that time.

After leaving treatment, Kevin Slane said his daughter entered halfway houses. His experience inspired him and his wife to support other women, and sometimes men, in similar circumstances.

He pointed out that many insurance companies only cover 30 days of treatment at a treatment center, when in reality recovery is a longer process.

“(Recovery) takes so much work and time and money,” Cathy Slane said. “We think, you know, we want to be an extra helping hand to help women get well. Maybe they need help going to school. Maybe they need help getting clothes and finding a job. Maybe they don’t have transportation because you know, they lost their job and their own car.

The couple’s vision for Alexandra’s Light of Hope is “noble,” Kevin Slane said, but that doesn’t stop them from hosting fundraisers and supporting people in recovery.

Later, the Slanes said they hope to buy a three-quarters home and provide career development and business opportunities for people in recovery. Cathy Slane also said she plans to start a support group for parents who have lost children to drug overdoses.

Losing a child to an overdose

Cathy Slane said she understands people’s misconceptions about substance use disorders and the stigma surrounding them. For her, losing a child to a drug overdose was an education in addiction that she never wanted, she said.

“I’ve found that there are a lot more people from all walks of life who are struggling (with addiction),” Cathy Slane said. “And the public wants to pay attention and say, ‘Oh, the drug addicts. They do it themselves. They can help him if they want. That’s not true.”

“(Alexandra) didn’t want to die,” she said. “She was trying to get help. She didn’t want to become a drug addict. She kept telling us, “I don’t want to do this,” but she couldn’t help it.

“His friends were dying and I was saying to God, ‘please don’t ever let that be me,'” she said. “And she was in so much pain that her friends were dying. Even if you live with (addiction) in the face, you can’t stop it.

“It would be like saying, ‘I don’t want to have cancer anymore,’” Cathy Slane said. “You can’t just wish it away.”

The first time Alexandra overdosed was in 11th grade, getting ready for the bus, her mother said. She was wearing her Northern Catholic uniform when Cathy Slane arrived and saw her daughter going gray on the sofa and immediately administered CPR.

Years later, Alexandra died at home while her parents were out of town, believing their daughter was in a treatment center. Alexandra had been kicked out of rehab after breaking a rule, the Slanes said.

“We thought she was in a safe place to get the help she wanted,” Cathy Slane said.

“She came home and her godfather was going to pick her up and they were going to a meeting,” she said. “By the time (the sponsor) arrived home, (Alexandra) was gone.”

When starting the nonprofit, Cathy Slane said the couple looked at legislation that they felt didn’t work for their daughter. They looked at the different factors that play a role in addiction, such as mental health, as they become more integrated into the Butler County community and brainstormed ways to combat addiction through their non-profit work.

“We wanted to start by seeing on a small scale what we were able to do, seeing first-hand people like our daughter get some sort of help, or just some sort of good feeling about themselves,” Cathy Slane said. .

Many of their daughter’s friends who were in recovery with her are now like family to the Slanes, Kevin Slane said.

“We’ve seen so many people grow up and have successful careers, successful lives and successful families,” he said. “And for me, sometimes it hurts a little. It’s bittersweet.

Cathy Slane said she and her husband repeatedly tried to make sense of their daughter’s death as they searched for answers to Alexandra’s substance use disorder and her death.

“We tried everything,” she says. “She was in rehab in Texas. She was in California.

“We’ve always tried to understand why, why this happened,” she said. “I don’t think we’ll ever get those answers.” You just don’t know who is going to be affected by this horrible, horrible affliction.