My brother-in-law is holding back items that my deceased sister promised me. How can I speak to him about this?

Dear Annie, My sister passed away in the summer of 2023. She did not have a will. She was married, but she specifically told me and her husband that she wanted to leave some of her material possessions to me. She also said that she wanted me to receive her pension, probably about $300,000. Her husband knew her wish and even told me about it.

Just weeks after my sister died, her husband was diagnosed with cancer. Long story short, my husband and I helped my brother-in-law with pet sitting, cooking, cleaning, hospital visits, whatever he needed. We knew his family wouldn’t help him and he had no one else. This went on for eight months. We were able and willing to help him, even though we both worked and he lived two hours away.

I feel like he is holding onto my sister’s things and money and has no intention of passing them on to us. I miss my sister and would prefer to be able to grieve “normally,” but now I feel anger, disappointment, and distrust toward my brother-in-law.

I have not asked him for anything from my sister. I care about her and am grateful for the years we had together. It is the principle that he does not respect her wishes and does not do what she wants.

Should I ask him why he’s waiting? How should I proceed? — Confused in PA

Dear Confused, I am so sorry for your loss. You are in a very delicate situation regarding your brother-in-law, but it is still important to consider your sister’s wishes.

Broach the subject gently with your brother-in-law, expressing your understanding of his health issues but also your need for closure. You might say, “I’ve been thinking about my sister’s wishes regarding her property and pension. Can we discuss how we can meet them?”

If he refuses, you should consult an attorney to determine your legal options. The key is to balance compassion for his situation with your sister’s intentions. You deserve to grieve appropriately and honor your sister’s memory.

Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].

COPYRIGHT 2023 CREATORS.COM